Coming to Spain was, in a way, an impulsive decision that took years of planning. I had been dreaming of doing an ESC for years before I finally reached an age where the fear of being out of the program pushed me to stop procrastinating and really apply.

When deciding which country and organisations to apply for, I had only two criteria: a country as far away from my home in Finland as possible and with a useful language. I really had no special connection with Spain or Murcia. I had never studied Spanish, nor had I visited Spain.

When I finally got the place -after what turned out to be a surprisingly difficult and tedious application process (I applied for 24 places!)- I was more than excited. I had been selected to volunteer at Aye Cultura Social, a cultural organization that works with young people and disadvantaged populations through art and creative projects. I could not contain the emotion.

I had never worked in the cultural field. I was going to the south of Spain, near the Mediterranean. I was going to experience a new culture, learn a new language, make new friends, try new things… and just become a new version of myself.

The day I arrived in Murcia was very special. I felt that everything I had dreamed of was coming true. Murcia looked, smelled, sounded and just felt so different from Helsinki -exactly what I had wanted.

My first week at Aye was also amazing. One of the first projects I took part in was the creation of a sound walk with a group of high school students. We picked up the sounds of the city and planned a walking route where the audience could hear what we had recorded. I had never done something so artistic.

However, not everything was perfect. I was surprised to find that the warnings given me by my colleagues in Finland -that no one speaks English in this part of Spain- were true. Since I didn’t speak a word of Spanish, I felt uncomfortable and isolated. 

Then, in the first few weeks, it also became clear that the vision problems I had attributed to stress were actually much more serious. As my eyes got worse, so did my mood. I felt that I had moved abroad only to get sick, missing out on this unique experience in life. Typical of my luck.

Those first few months were hard. Outwardly, everything was great: I loved my volunteering, my roommates were lovely and Murcia was beautiful. But because of the illness, I could not enjoy anything. I constantly thought about going home.

Then, during Christmas, I came home and realized something important: wherever I go, I’m still me. I’m not going to stop being sick or sad just by moving out, or coming back. Realizing that gave me the strength to go back to Murcia -and I’m really, really glad I did-. Although I was still sick, I finally got to enjoy a little more of my time.

As I write this and look back at my experience in Murcia, it feels a bit bittersweet. Although I have enjoyed many things here, such as my volunteering and the new international friends I have made, the most important thing I have learned is that I really need to work on myself. In my mental health, my tendency to procrastinate (my Spanish is still shamefully bad), and in the ability to be present instead of worrying about the future or lamenting the past.

But at the same time, I have grown more during these last months than in years living in the safety of my childhood home in Helsinki.

If I were to give a piece of advice to future volunteers, it would be this: remember that life will not always be easy and sometimes the hardest things help us grow more.